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Randomly emo again but lesser now
Sunday, March 29, 2009
Everyday was just another day to me.
Even during the holiday, i cannot find anything to do, thou i know i got at least 2-3 more week of rest. I still cannot please myself with anything great. I know one things for sure is that i have been rotting away at home and each day i just lay back and wait for the day the turn dark. And the whole process repeats itself again the very next day. This has really been going on for the past week every since i got back from fishing.
Other than scout or cubs that i must do, there really nothing else, it felt as if i have no more meaning or purpose in life. I had a very bad feeling that i can sense that my dream job chances are already shattered and I had alrdy lost the will to study every since i had come to know of the stupid system in my dipolma. I really feel that i had lost almost everything that i had plan. I really wish my heart to just die off now.
All i have to do now is just looking after my cubs and so on. The Sixer's Camp that will be prepare by HCI, i know something will screw-up but i just hope it can turn up well. Not cos who is planning, but rather who will be the one leading ... i know it usually will be me but den again, had i every led a good or rather a great camp before ? i know i screw up almost half of it in JW 09, i know that there are some ppl i cannot work wif back there, but i know something similar will happen in the coming Sixer's Camp as well. Least to say, i am both excited and dreadful and anxious of preparing this alone with the other 6 HCI female rovers.
But for now ...
I really wander, will there be a good future for myself ?
How i wish i can meet my maker to confirm my path ahead.
Entry by RedSeal
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Since Sunday, March 29, 2009
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